My Story

When I think about how I would describe myself at this stage in my life, the word “leader” would definitely be included in the mix. However, ‘twas not always so. In my childhood I was very shy. Not so shy that being in public was paralysing, but shy in a way that prevented me from joining a group, saying hi to a peer who waved from across the store, or putting my hand up in class. I was also fearful of new things, and thus missed out on many interesting adventures. The impetus for the change from that Kari to the Kari of today occurred when my family moved from Calgary, Alberta to Nairobi, Kenya right before my grade 10 year (I was fifteen). Along with my younger sister, who had a similar propensity toward shyness, I made a conscious decision on the plane to Africa that I was going to be a different person when I got to my new school. My sister and I had frequently been labelled “snobs” because of how our shyness was perceived by our peers; we were determined that Kenya would be a new start. I can truthfully say that it was. While my stomach was in knots and my heart was in my throat every time I approached a group of my peers or volunteered for something in class, I did notice that it made a tremendous difference in my social encounters. Furthermore, it became increasingly easier to do so. Not incredibly easy, mind you; but slowly I grew to have confidence that I could go into a new situation and feel some measure of calm and poise.

This confidence and ability to subjugate my shy instincts continued to develop through high school and my university years. In my second year of university I actually applied (and was chosen) to be a part of a sports leadership group. This challenged me, and as a result added another layer to my growing belief in myself as a capable social entity. As I was in the education program, I was introduced to classroom volunteering in university, and this was yet another challenge to the inner shy self that continued to lurk! Every experience I have had has allowed me to slowly but surely remake that aspect of myself. Now, in my early 40s, there are very few situations in which I do not feel comfortable and confident. However, simply reducing the tendency to be shy does not a leader make. That journey had another catalyst.

In looking back, I can easily say that a defining moment in my growth as a leader began when I first walked into my own classroom. This was in my third year of teaching; until that point I had been covering for other teachers, and while I had learned a tremendous amount, I had never yet felt the surge of excitement of being able to decide exactly how I wanted the room to look or how I wanted it to “flow”. As I sat crossed legged on a table in the middle of the room, messy and disorganized from its previous tenant, I realized that the decisions I made about how to arrange and run my classroom were the essentials of my philosophy of teaching. It was for that reason that I simply sat and looked around my room, imagining the course of the school day, the student interactions, the aesthetics of my decorations - and what each one said about my needs and those of my students.  

That moment was fifteen years ago now. In the ensuing years, I can say that I have grown as a leader every year since. This growth has not just been in the classroom. I have seen my confidence grow in my marriage; in our first years, I rarely expressed an opinion when I came to decorating the house. I just didn’t have one, and didn’t really trust my own sense of style. The confidence I gained from planning and decorating my own classroom over the years, from seeing what I liked and how I liked it organized, transferred over to my sense of style and order at home. I can now see clear parallels in how I express myself in both venues.

My growth as a leader, which began in my classroom, soon after began to develop at the school level. Within a year of having my own classroom, I was a regular Teacher in Charge for the principal - at times for days - and while I was nervous in this position, over time I gained more knowledge and experience...and confidence. At each ensuing school (there have been four since that first school), I have taken on the role of Teacher in Charge. Each time I have done so, my nervousness has decreased and my confidence - and interest in the possibilities contained in the job - have increased. Complimenting these experiences in leadership at the school level, I have had the great fortune to have worked with a number of stellar administrators. While each one was different and possessed differing amounts of various “educational leadership” skills, I feel that I have learned an incredible amount by being fortunate enough to work closely with these masters.

Certainly the greatest demonstration of my growth in confidence occurred some years ago when I shaved my head. This, clearly, is an unusual step for a woman in our society, and one that brought me a great deal of notice. My reasons for doing this, however, were a clear reflection of my journey toward confidence: I realized that I had been interested in the idea for years, but had resisted for no other reason than that I was scared of what others would think. It dawned on me one evening that this was a terrible reason for avoiding something, and that it completely went against all that I was building in myself. So, out came the clippers and off went the hair. Seven years later (I had my head shaved for six years), I can truly say that this was a pivotal time for my personal growth. The reality of being a woman with a shaved head means many comments, many stares, and many questions. I was forced to walk into a room knowing that everyone would look at me and wonder; and I found that I grew and became more confident as a result! Now, having grown back my hair, I no longer have the stares but I have retained the belief in myself; my conviction that I do what I feel to be right, regardless of what people might say.

One of the final elements that has thrust me toward a position of leadership has been the nature of the learning support job. By necessity I am conversing with parents, itinerant staff, administrators, teachers, and students every day. I have had to overcome any last dregs of shyness through myriad meetings, phone calls, emails, and conversations. I can now say, in my sixth year on the job (this is my fourth at my current school), I am no longer nervous to call a parent or lead a meeting with ten participants. These past few years have cemented in me the belief that I am a leader; and I love it. Working in an inner city school has further provided me with opportunities to hone my skills, as I have been confronted with behaviour situations that were heretofore completely unheard of to me. The mind shift I have experienced has been to see behaviours through the eyes of the child; to operate with the belief that “behaviour is communication” and it is therefore my responsibility to discover what needs that child is communicating. The onus is on me, the adult (and the team of adults) to help that child regulate himself and to provide him with the tools and strategies to help him convey his needs in a more socially acceptable and safe manner. I am fascinated with this way of approaching behaviour concerns, and so have taken every opportunity to learn more about self-regulation, trauma, and calming strategies. Having done so, I am able to be a leader in this regard as well, although I feel very much that I am in the position of benefitting greatly from learning from others who excel in this area. To me, though, that is the essence of leadership and learning; the journey never ends.