Building Resilience in Our Kids

Over the past four years I have worked at an inner city school, where behaviours and learning challenges brought on by past trauma, hunger, lack of attachment, and current neglect are not uncommon. During my first year there, I felt very upset at what I saw these kids going through, and I wondered many times what possible difference I could make over the long term to counteract such negative forces.

It was at the beginning of my second year at the school when I came across some literature on the concept of resilience. As I read, I realized that while the term was relatively new to me, the concept was not. Steve Cairns, a former Burnaby school administrator, has described resilience as “the ability to survive and thrive in one’s environment.” This ability to meet hardship with strength, adversity with determination, and pain with love is one that I had been shown throughout my life by my mom. She came from much pain and neglect in her own childhood, but had triumphed to become a loving wife and mother, successful career woman, and generous friend despite it all. When I asked her, when I was older and aware of her past, how she had made it through and survived the most difficult parts, she said that it was her close relationship with her grandmother that was her sanctuary. The emotional protection that her grandma’s love and acceptance gave her helped to keep the core of her heart and mind safe.

This realization has changed my focus as a teacher and educational leader. Now, I approach every single day with the knowledge that I can be that ONE person who believes in that student; I can be the one adult who shows that a student is significant, that I really know them. I can take the time every day to find a student’s spark. Finding out what is important to vulnerable kids is an excellent way to start building relationships, and giving those kids the same emotional protection that my mom received from her grandmother.

Research on attachment theory shows us that kids need to feel loved, significant, known, and feel a sense of belonging in order to develop a sense of attachment with a close adult in their world. Then they will be able to reciprocate with the ability to love, know, belong to, and acknowledge the significance of others. The ideal is that these attachments are initially formed with parents. However, that’s not always possible in our world today, and that’s where we as educators can step in. Like the amazing Rita Pierson says, “every child deserves a champion; an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists they become the best they can possibly be.” We can be that adult! What a powerful way to approach every conversation and every lesson and every impromptu meeting on the playground. It’s this inspiring idea that truly gets me up every morning, excited to engage with the students and to help build resilience in my kids, day by day.